


Free Falling

by Alania



Series: Ashes, Ashes [3]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Last Jedi - Fandom
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), I ruin everything I touch, Movie: Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Post-TLJ, Prompt: Shy kiss, Reylo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2017-12-26
Packaged: 2019-02-21 23:10:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13153992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alania/pseuds/Alania
Summary: She wasn’t looking at him now. Maybe that was why this was so much easier. That was why she felt a surprising peace, just sitting beside him, shoulder to shoulder, as she watched the flickering lights.





	Free Falling

In the entire span of Reys short life, celebrations had been non-existent. There was no such thing as a special occasion for her, be it personal or public in nature. She knew others celebrated things, like their days of birth or the first day of a calendar year. She’d heard celebration from afar, listening to the music and chanting of desert camps from a safe distance. For her, celebration was something to be earned - and as of yet, there was no day or event in her life worth celebrating about.

This did not go over well with the rest of the Resistance, especially Poe. He’d become increasingly persistent in his attempts to break her out of the shell that continued to make her feel separated from the others. She respected the members of the Resistance, and all they’d fought and sacrificed for. She would fight, and die, for each and every one of them.

But she really couldn’t stand being around them for too long, especially in groups. It felt like they had her up on an invisible pedestal, always calling her the Jedi Master just because they’d seen her float a few rocks. 

She was no Master.

She was nothing to look up to.

And the itch to pull away, to keep herself at a distance where she was safe, was too strong to ignore.

Finn was the only exception, but she could count on the fingers of one hand the amount of minutes she’d managed to get alone with him. Someone was always looking for him, or pulling him away. He was a beacon, and whenever someone looked at him with pride, she could see him _shine_.

Her reaction was much the opposite.

That night, it took a full ten minutes to convince Poe to leave the Millenium Falcon without her. Finn had been on her side, trying to convince Poe that Rey was not obliged to celebrate with them. The rest of the Resistance had already left, storming into some brightly lit little town in the middle of nowhere with stolen credits and a desperate need to forget their troubles.

Rey just wanted to be left alone.

When Finn bodily dragged Poe away with the promise that they would bring her as many souvenirs as they could find, Rey sighed in relief and closed the ramp. She climbed back up into the cockpit of the Falcon, settled down in the co-pilot’s seat, and pulled her legs up until she could wrap her arms up around them. From there, she had a perfect view of the town and the lights that kept flickering all over it. Hundreds of people were celebrating something, and now her friends were in the midst of it too.

She could feel the warmth of that celebration, from where she was at. That warmth, from a distance, soothed her swollen, aching heart.

They deserved this. All of them. Nothing made Rey happier than knowing they were out there, shouting and laughing and enjoying life despite the catastrophic trauma they’d just been through.

They deserved to be this happy.

Her eyes closed when she felt a soft, deep chuckle too close to her ear. Nothing had warned her that he’d come to sit beside her, his own long legs folded neatly underneath him. She should have felt more worried that he was getting better at sneaking up on her. She should have felt that familiar anger that encroached on their every meeting, every time she looked in his eyes and saw straight into his heart.

She wasn’t looking at him now. Maybe that was why this was so much easier. That was why she felt a surprising peace, just sitting beside him, shoulder to shoulder, as she watched the flickering lights.

“You want so much for them,” He said. His smooth voice made her eyes flutter, but still she kept a tight lock on the rare peace she’d found. “But what about for you?”

It was her turn to chuckle when she thought about what he was asking. Her head tilted and then rested back on the seat, unconsciously exposing her neck to him. She missed the way his eyes zoned in on that soft expanse of skin, and his throat bobbed in a hard, hungry swallow.

“I am happy.” She told him. 

His eyes pulled away from her neck. “Liar.” He whispered, lowering his head until his forehead hit the unwavering edge of her shoulder. 

She could barely feel the pressure of it, like a shiver against her skin. She sucked in a sharp breath through her nose, and then let it out in a slow, breathy sigh. Peace, she reminded herself. It would see her through this.

“What kinds of celebrations did you have?” It was a gamble to ask him about his past. She knew that he was just as likely to pull away and cut off their connection as he was to ramble at her until she begged him to stop. Either option kept her from thinking about just how much of a liar she really was. She would do anything to keep him from being proven right.

As it turned out, today was the kind of day where Ben would choose to ramble.

“Is that where everyone is?” He asked, forcing her tense with suspicion. “Relax. I’m just surprised you’re alone. If they’re celebrating, why aren’t you with them?”

How quickly he’d managed to turn the conversation back around. She puffed a frustrated little sigh out, disturbing the tendrils of hair curling around her face. When she saw his fingers reaching out for them, she automatically waved his hand away. Even the sight of his fingers would ruin this delicate moment, where she could just sit here, talk to him, and not be reminded of everything he stood for.

He complied.

“Celebrations aren’t my thing.” She breathed out. “Neither are big crowds. I don’t trust them.”

Ben let the words digest in his mind. There was so much to unpack, over that simple handful she’d shared. So much more about her, and her life on Jakku, that he now wanted to know about.

But instead of asking, he gave her what she wanted in return for what she’d shared.

“It’s called Life Day.” Ben muttered. There was an unhappiness to his voice, as if he never wanted to speak of the event again, and yet there he was handing it all over to her without a fight.

Rey’s eyes widened and her head turned minutely, ready to thoughtlessly give in and stare up at him. She caught herself before she could see more than the outline of his shape from her peripheral vision, and dropped her gaze down the moment she remembered. No looking.

“It’s a Wookie thing. There’s gift exchanges, and far too much terrible singing. Chewie never let us forget it.”

Something painful stabbed directly into her heart. She’d never heard Ben say Chewbacca’s name, before - let alone his nickname. It reminded her that the two had a long history, longer than she would ever have with the Wookie. Chewie was one of her closest friends, and yet Ben had grown up with the Wookie. He’d been given a lifetime of memories she could never have.

She fidgeted as she burned with a hot, hot thread of jealousy.

“What did you do, for Life Day?” She asked, trying to push down the nausea that came with that emotion. “You. Specifically.”

“As little as possible.” He said. While she appreciated the honesty, it still upset her to know that he continued to take for granted all he’d had, all that she’d wanted. “In fact, I spent most of my Life Days hiding. Here. Exactly where you’re sitting.”

Rey looked down at the seat she was curled up in, and waited for that jealousy to rise up again as he reminded her that this ship, too, was once more his than hers. She waited, and waited, curling up tighter into the seat until she realized she was burying her body against it. She wasn’t jealous, here.

Strange.

“Just like you,” he said.

Rey’s nose scrunched up when he compared them. There had been a time when comparisons between them were her greatest enemy, greater even than him. She loathed the constant reminders that they had so many threads tying them together that it had become an unmanageably tangled mess. But now, with her eyes still focused on the horizon, all she felt was a brief, childish annoyance. This was just one more thing to add to the pile.

A long stretch of silence fell between the two of them, sitting together in the cockpit. It was comfortable. She tried not to think about just how comfortable it really was.

“I kissed someone under the Wroshyr leaves, once.”

Rey's entire body uncurled in sudden surprise, and she broke her rule just this once to stare at him. Her mouth was slack-jawed in disbelief, and it only got worse when her reaction tugged an actual smile out of him. “You - what?”

“There are bundles of Wroshyr leaves wrapped up and hung from the ceiling, on Life Day. If you’re under them, and someone else is under them, you’re supposed to kiss them. So I did.”

Oh. Celebrations. Tradition. Right. She’d actually forgotten they were still talking about that, the moment he’d told her he’d kissed someone. In fact, she’d forgotten _everything_ in that moment, including her own rules about this engagement. When he explained it all to her, she furtively looked away, focusing hard on the console of the ship. Her cheeks had turned a ruddy red over how strongly she’d reacted; both physically, and emotionally.

Her heart felt like it was beating a hole out of her chest.

“Well. That’s. Nice.” She stuttered out, trying to decide exactly how she was supposed to handle this information. Or why she even cared. “Traditions are nice. I’m sure it was all very… nice.”

She was running out of words that weren’t _nice_. She could hear him chuckling, as his head laid back down on her shoulder. Keeping her eyes off of him wasn’t going to be enough to find her peace again, this time around.

Luckily, something else would always come along to do the job.

She screamed when the first firework burst in mid-air. The sound of his lightsaber thrumming in the air almost made her scream a second time, but when she realized that he was just reacting to her, she felt a flush of foolishness and settled back down. Whatever had just happened was clearly harmless, because the shower of color in front of her dissipated almost as instantly as it had filled the air.

“What is it?” He asked her. There was so much _fear_ in his voice.

“I’m not sure.” She said. Another firework exploded against the sky and she jolted, but her face had transformed into open, wondrous awe. “Someone’s shooting rockets into the sky that are bursting into circles of color and then they vanish. There’s all sorts of them. It’s. _Beautiful._ ”

She heard his lightsaber switch off beside her, and assumed that meant this phenomenon was not going to get her killed. Then she realized she was using his reactions to clue her in on her own safety, and her nose scrunched up again.

This comfort, this familiarity, this longing - it had to _stop_.

“They’re called fireworks.” He told her. She focused on the lights again, and her expression stretched with joy when they filled the sky in front of her. There was no denying how beautiful these light shows were. And here, from a distance, where she knew she was safe, she could _truly_ enjoy it.

“It’s a shame you can’t see them.” She breathed out, distraction creating an easy path for honesty to take. “They’re quite beautiful.”

She saw him move from the corner of her eye, but her gaze remained fixated on the sky in front of her. When he stopped moving, she could tell he was closer, his face just beside her cheek.

He whispered to her, and she felt his breath fan warm against her skin. “I can see them.”

Her gaze dared turn his way, just for a single second. Just one.

“They’re reflecting in your eyes.”

She felt a tangible loss of breath when the sky filled with light and color, dozens of rockets firing all at once in some grand finale, and all she could look at was the captivation in his dark and desperate eyes. She felt them pulling, keeping her exactly where he wanted her, and she fought to tear away before she was lost to the pull forever.

The fireworks were fading. Little pinpricks in the night sky flickering, warning her that whatever moment she’d just shared with him was about to end, and she had to find herself again. The world beyond their connection was waiting, with its demanding set of needs. She swallowed, hard, just as she felt that shiver of energy against her skin. He’d bent closer and just barely brushed his lips against her cheek, just as soft and heartbreaking as she’d always imagined a first kiss should be.

“Rey,” He whispered, eliciting a needy little inhale from her lips. “Let yourself be happy.”

A hot tear slid down her cheek, burning away the shivers he’d left behind on her skin. She felt it fall against her collarbone, the same moment she could tell she was once more alone.

She finally let herself turn her head, to look at the place between seats where he’d been. He wanted her to be happy. _Actually_ happy. But she couldn’t see how that would ever be possible.

Not now. Maybe not ever again.

Not when the one time her traitorous heart felt real happiness was during the indulgent joy of his lips pressing against her cheek. If her happiness had become contingent on his presence…

No. She couldn’t let that happen. She could see herself falling deeper into a pit of dangerous restlessness, down that path. It would affect her, her decisions, and her skills. It was the last thing she needed, right now.

She climbed up out of the seat, rubbed her face hard with one hand, and then slammed on the release for the ramp. As it lowered, she could feel the change in the air around her, and turned around to find him standing there.

“You’re going, then.”

He sounded like he was in pain. As if listening to his advice had hurt him, somehow. It was nonsensical, but Rey refused to think too hard on it. She chose instead to walk up to him, toe to toe with his boots, and lean up on her tiptoes until she could barely reach his cheek. He leaned down, understanding instantly what she was trying to do, but she didn’t make contact just yet.

She waited a few seconds, in a sudden bout of shyness. It passed over her like a wave, and when it was gone she lifted herself up the millimeter needed, and returned his kiss back to him. A flutter of a feeling, right against his cheek.

A thank you. Or a goodbye.

He couldn’t tell which.

Neither could she.

She backed away, keeping her eyes trained on him until the very last second, and then turned to head down the ramp.

She didn’t know if doing this was going to be enough to make her happy. But anything, even the advice of her sworn enemy and her closest companion, was worth a try.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prompt response to "A shy kiss" and is inspired by all that sweet, sweet holiday reylo art we've been doused with the last few days. I feel so blessed to be in this fandom.
> 
> As stated with the previous fics, this fic does continue in the timeline of the rest of Ashes, Ashes - but it also can be read as a stand alone. 
> 
> MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HOLIDAYS, AND HAVE A REALLY GREAT NEW YEAR MY FAM!!


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